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Personal emotional pain


At some point in our lives, we all go through patches of emotional pain. Whether it’s because someone has done something wrong in our lives, done something wrong to us, or any other reason, it happens. Sometimes when you least, expect or want it.

This past week has been the perfect example for me. It started out rough, with a power failure on Monday morning. No hot breakfast put me in a bad mood to start off. Then a heavy day at work ensured, only to be hit with another mini crisis. The school’s incoming e-mails were not working. After eventually getting back to my office after recording students doing orals, I sorted that problem out.

Tuesday I don’t really remember, except that I was very tired. Was another busy day.

Wednesday is when it all went really, really wrong. In the morning I was busy getting a SMS system set up so that we could communicate with the parents of the school. This was pretty urgent, and I had a man on the phone with me setting it up. Unfortunately a new student came in at the same time to get his login details, but I was unable to help him. That lead to a rather rude e-mail being sent to me, accusing me of purposely not helping. Before long the whole situation escalated to the principal, and he called me in and gave me quite a lecture. I was unable to defend myself, and whenever I did he ran right over me.

Eventually my line manager walked in, sat down, and did nothing to defend me or even stand up for me. After the boss drubbed me, there seemed to be a mini IT meeting going on, to work out where the school is going IT wise. Great time to have it 👿

At the end of this, I verbally announced I was resigning end of the month, with my letter to come then. Only the vice principal seemed shocked, the other 2 couldn’t care it seemed. I had been planning to leave the school anyway, but I was still thinking of holding out and staying, but after that attack I knew my time had come. However, it still messed up my life and my day, as I am a sensitive person, and attacks on me hurt a lot. I hate that feeling, as I feel really small and hurt.

Thursday was alright, nothing too bad, but I was still in pain about the shit from the day before. Now today, I get another bombshell. A girl I had been dating long distance earlier this year told me that she was engaged. I knew she would do it one day, but I didn’t expect it to be so fast after we had split up. It’s really painful to hear it, and the shock was not something I needed. I think that I’ve managed to work past that now, and I’ve cut any further future contact with her to prevent it happening again.

So as I sit here writing this, I’m still suffering despite putting on a brave face. I’m hurting a lot, and no one or thing can change that. The saying that nice guys always come last is so true. All I’ve ever wanted is a girl to love and care about me, a decent job, and comfortable living. This past week has taught me that perhaps I’m hoping for the impossible.

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